"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"Sure... go ahead"  = I don't want you to

"I'm not upset"  = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"We need to talk"  = I need to complain

"You're certainly attentive tonight"  = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient"   = I want a new house

"I want new curtains"  = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I heard a noise"  = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?"  = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?"  = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute"   = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?"  = Lie to me

"You have to learn to communicate"  = Just agree with me

"Are you listening to me!?"   = [Too late, you're dead]

"Do what you want."  = You'll pay for this later